Well, let me start by saying, welcome to the new and improved Mets BAllers.   Apparently, my brash writing style, and my so called use of “almost true” facts, and excessive use of the words: pussies, whores, fuck yourselves, and cock sandwiches, the MLB decided I was not exactly what they had in mind for a news column.  They said and I quote, “your writing style, is not up to MLB Standards” and that, “there are no such MLB employees or players named Golarb the Magician, Ira Goldfarb, or Marcus “Action” Jackson (see posts below).  I beg to differ.

So instead of switching up my style, I have decided to go rogue from MLBLogs  and start up my own gang.  So enjoy… the lunacy, the sports news, the chicks, and the mostly true storys.  Welcome to MetsBallers.com

Me and Danny at the Game

Special thanks to Danny K, a Mets BAllers columnist and contributor.

Mets win! Mets win! Well, unbelievably, the New York Mets have won for the second straight day.  I am somewhat happy, but I am definitely not excited.  Even the Mets can’t lose every game.  Everybody was actually crushing the ball, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

That being said, me and this guy are not convinced…

We are not convinced this is the beginning of a turn around. Pitching for the Mets was the 143 year old, 63 mph meatball tosser, Livan Hernandez. He got crushed in the first inning as usual, but the Mets were actually able to string together more than one hit in a row. This resulted in something new for the Mets, I think they are called runs? Whatever the hell it was called, it was wonderful…well, better than a well timed crap. Everyone actually got at least one hit. Simply Amazing, even Livan Hernandez got a hit. I am still not convinced. It really feels like, the way things have been going, this has been the longest win streak of the year. If I see them put together like 6 in a row, then I would start to get excited. For now, let’s just wait and see.

Jerry Manuel decided not to use Goldfarb and “Action” Jackson (see story below), in the line up today. He said he was saving them for the homestand.

The Mets were celebrating last night after their victory over the Astros.  This was the Mets first win in as long as I can remember.  Once the game was over they all rushed the field like wild animals before hitting up the locker rooms where the champagne was on ice.

“This is a great feeling”, David Wright said, ” I always wanted to feel what it was like to win a game”.  Wright hit his 6 HR of the year, just 25 off his pace from last year.  “I don’t like to show off,” he said, “thats why this year, I decided to replace all of those homeruns, with 300 strike outs”.

Jonathan Niese pitched seven innings, in what was his 6th start in the bigs.  Not too bad.  Lets see if he folds like a deck of cards in his next start.

In other news, Ira Goldfarb and Marcus “Action” Jackson (see story below) should be getting their start today against the Astros in the final game of the series.  Pitching for the Mets is the 143 year old, 63 mph meatball tosser, Livan Hernandez.

Finally! We asked and Omar answers! In a stunning turn of events, right before the upcoming trade deadline, the New York Mets have finally got some help for their ailing line up. The moves came shortly after announcing that Gary Sheffield was going on the 15 day DL to join the other 9 guys who decided to start working out for the 2010 season now, down at the spring training complex in Port St. Lucie, Florida.

With Beltran, Reyes, Delgado, Wagner, Putz, Maine, F. Martinez, R. Martinez, Nieve, and now Sheffield, the Mets had a couple of holes in the lineup.  Omar Minaya said he was working on a couple of deals and he finally came through.

The New York Mets announced today the signing of their new shortstop,  Ira Goldfarb, 12, of Massepequa, Long Island.  Omar Minaya did not have to look far to find this kid, because Minaya found him in his usual seat on the third base line.  You see, Ira’s dad, paid the steap price of $763,000 for season tickets, so he and his son can have a seat up close to the field for 81 games a year.  “This kid is going to be good”, Minaya said, “I can tell…he has that look in his eyes.  I found him drinking the old Hot Dog water at one of our concession stands.”

And this guy… Marcus “Action” Jackson…

Omar Minaya found this guy while walking through NYC the other day. “This guy came up to me and asked me for a nickel, and I knew right away, he was hungry”. When Minaya went to hand this guy the nickel, Jackson tripped falling down a nearby stairwell. “He got right back up”, Minaya said, ” and with the amount of injuries we have been having, I knew we needed somebody tough. Even though he has no baseball experience and he is from Zimbabwe, I think we can make him into a star. I cleaned him up a bit, and gave him some money to get some clothes, so he could look good for his press release picture”.

Goldfarb, will be playing shortstop, while “Action” Jackson, will be playing in center field.