The Mets played the fucking Cardinals today and I was fucking utterly shocked at how fucking shitty our offense is.  I mean 1 fucking hit through 10 innings?  Bay 0 for 7 with 5 strikeouts. Wright 1 for 6 with 15 strikeouts (ok, not that many but a lot, and by the way, nice acting job on that foul tip).  Jose Reyes looks like he 53 years old.  I just want to vomit.

So ladies and gentlemen, get your shit weapons ready, because we are going to have to wage war on these shit sucking Mets.  Here is a little propaganda poster I made that you can start distributing in your towns.  Mets fans unite.

Alex Cora made a sick play in the bottom of the 10th when he fucking dove into the stands to catch a foul ball to end the inning with bases loaded.

I simply can not believe how shitty the Mets played through 20 fucking innings.  Only when the Cardinals had their 3rd baseman pitching, did the Mets get a guy to 3rd base.   At the end of the day, they won and that’s all that matters.  That was the longest most draining game I have ever seen.  Mets win 2-1 in 20.

Well, low and behold, as we are nearing the end of spring training and the final spots on the team are up for grabs.  The New York Mets only have a few spots to fill.  Okay, a few more than a few.

Lets take a look at the locks first…

LF- Bay

RF- Francoeur

3B- Wright

SS- Reyes

2B- Castillo- most hate him, I like him.  He had one bad year in 2008, and one bad catch in 2009, other than that, he was our second best hitter no matter how you slice it.

1B-Murphy- Murph will definitely have the job opening day, but he better have a fast start and that’s a whole separate conversation.

SP- Santana

RP- Feliciano

CP- Rodriguez

So that leaves us with a C, 4 SP’s, 6 RP’s, and CF.

At catcher, it is looking like Barajas and Blanco, leaving the odd man out, Omir Santos.  I like Santos, and I think given an opportunity to play a whole season, he could be a .285 hitter with 15-20 hr and 80 RBIs, much like Daniel Murphy.  Barajas and Blanco are sub .230 hitters.  They have some power, and maybe working with Hojo, they can learn some plate discipline.

I said we need 4 starting pitchers because let’s face it, we need 4 SP’s, and fucking quick.  Here is my theory.  Give the job to the 4 best guys in spring.  No matter who they are.  Whoever performed the best, we keep.  Why risk it with Perez, Maine, Pelfrey and Niese?

Give Jenry Mejia a fucking shot.  The kid is an animal.  Igarashi has looked fucking great.  Give the best performers a shot.  Perez, Maine and Pelfrey have all showed this spring, that miracles do not happen.  These fucking cock sandwiches are not going to all of a sudden, get it and become all stars.  Let’s face it, they suck dick.

So as far as the rotation goes, keep the guys who are doing the best as SP’s and the rest go to the bull pen.  Perez could become our 2nd lefty out of the pen!  No need to trade anyone.

That leaves Centerfield.  It is a race between Gary Mathews, and Angel Pagan, or at least until old rusty knee Beltran comes back.  I think this has to go to Pagan.  The guy is a maniac, and I believe he will be an allstar one day.  Mark my words.  I think he has earned the shot.  Mathews has looked awesome this spring, but he is older and we might be able to get a less shitty SP than what we have for him, and that can help.

So why the headline?  Well, Figueroa is a strange case.  He pitches fucking awesome when it doesn’t fucking matter.  He did awesome in the WBC, and awesome in the beginning of the spring when the Mets and there opponents were facing highschoolers.  The problem with this guy is, he is good when he is good, but when he is bad, he is on a whole different level.

This fucking guy gave up 7 fucking runs on 8 hits in one inning against the Marlins.  Today of all days, this guy should have been making his case to be on this team and he goes out and does this.  He did this last year and the year before and the the year before that.   That is why he is going to be 36 years old, and has never competed in a full MLB season.  He is a fucking liability.

Sorry Danny, I know he is your boy. But he needs to peace the fuck out.  I don’t give a shit if he is a nice guy or not.  I’ll hang out with the dude, I just do not want him pitching for the Mets.

I am live on the scene in Port St. Lucie where the Mets are taking on the Astros.

I got sick seats… Section 104 Row AA Seat 1 in between the Mets dugout and On Deck circle.

Angel Pagan and Gary Mathews were slugging it out in BP…

Angel Pagan just signed my ball, literally my ball.

The “Situation” from the Jersey Shore just bounced the ceremonial first pitch, while being booed loudly by 4000 people. Fucking classic!

Now I am sitting right next to the Situation from Jersey Shore. what a douche, but he did sign my ball… literally my other ball. See his ridiculous autograph below.

Also the park is no longer called Tradition Field, it is now Digital Domain Park.

Johan is throwing some heat. But slowing down to a simmer as we get later in the game.

Jon Niese looked good and fuckin K-Rod is a fuckin beast. He looked great.

Daniel Murphy also put the Mets ahead for good with a blast in the 6th.

Dude is focused, he did not even chuckle when I told him to call his shot and point to the stands like Babe Ruth. He was 2 1/2 feet away from me. He did not laugh…

But he did crush that homer and I did get a nod at the end of the game with a smile.

Overall, these assholes look focused. That is a good sign.

Pagan is a machine. Dude was working out non-stop.

Overall sick day, Mets won 5-2.

In an exclusive interview recently, Carlos Beltran of the New York Mets, told Rich Coutinho of 1050 ESPN Radio, “I’m doing good,  I come to the ballpark every single day, rehabbing, to try and put myself in the best condition, so when it comes time for me to start playing baseball I can go out there and do what I know I can do.”

Well when the fuck is that going to be shit face?

Beltran went on to say, and I shit you not, that he has been taking batting practice and playing catch while sitting in a fucking chair, in an effort to keep his eye-hand coordination as sharp as possible.

Did he just say he was sitting in a fucking chair?  That can not be good but…

Metsblog.com had this to say…

“of course he has… because he’s awesome…” Matt Cerrone commented, he went on to say…

“…i bet, even in a chair, he’s still better than some players in baseball…”

Wait a fucking second, did he just say awesome? Are you fucking kidding me? Better than who, the best guy in the wheelchair league?  What is he going to roll around in the fucking outfield?

Recently, Beltran had to talk to the Feds with Jose Reyes, because the FBI obviously found out they were both doing juice and wanted them to rat.

This motherfucker Beltran has been juicing for years… here is the previous evidence I posted…

Anyway, next thing you know, Beltran and his fuckin knees deflate and he hasn’t played baseball in two fucking years.

I am deeply concerned that at this point, Beltran is playing baseball while sitting down.  Not a good fucking sign for that rusty knee.

Bart Hubbuch, in a post to Twitter, is reporting that Jose Reyes will have surgery to repair his torn pussy lip within the next couple of days.

The exact date was not specified, nor was the name of the doctor who is expected to perform the surgery.

Jose Reyes had this to say…

Jose Reyes now has a torn right ass muscle or something, which happened when this fuck face decided to start running the bases or rubbing his pussy in New York earlier in the week.  Good fucking move you fucking moron.  There are 3 games left you fucking idiot.

That is in addition to the torn tendon behind his right pussy lip, the team told reporters following yesterday’s game.

For once I have to disagree with the Blog Father over at MetsBlog.com, he wrote the following…

“…i feel badly for jose… i do… thanks to loud mouths on talk radio, i think some fans believe reyes is lazy, or doesn’t want to return from the disabled list… this is not the case, from what i can tell… instead, i understand from people connected to him and the team, he is simply paranoid and apprehensive for fear of making matters worse…”

Let me stop it right there.  Wait a second, did the blog father just say, what I think he said?  That Reyes is fucking paranoid and apprehensive??  This mother fucker waits until there is 3 games left to test out his leg???

This lazy fuck probably got fucking atrophy from not using  his fucking legs for 5 months.  This asshole could have had 4 surgeries and came back already.  No wonder this fucking moron rips an ass muscle, when he decides to fucking sprint around the bases after being in a self induced wheel chair all year.

I don’t fucking buy it.  This motherfucker is a pussy.  Peace him the fuck out. One.

The Mets play the Marlins tonight at 7:10 pm at Citi Field in game 2 of the series.

Tonight’s game attendees get to suck on a free wiener tonight, courtesy of the Mets, who have been sucking wieners the entire season.

Angel Pagan is leading off, followed by Luis Castillo, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Daniel Murphy, Jeff Francoeur, Josh “Ass” Thole, and Anderson Hernandez.

Pat Misch (1-1, 3.25 ERA) will toss underhand meatballs for the Mets. Misch has filled in nicely lately, in the staring rotation, but I fear that, soon other teams, will realize he sucks.

Ricky Nolasco (10-8, 5.27 ERA) will hurl slop for the Marlins. This guy is a prime Tool Academy candidate.

Actually, speaking of Tool Academy, here is David Wright and Jose Reyes making their case to be on the show…

Enjoy the dicks, I mean Dogs, in your mouths.

Thanks to these bumbling fools known around town as the New York Mets, Metsballers.com has earned a distinction I am not too sure I am proud of.  We have earned the dubious distinction, of being ranked number 3 on Google when you search for the term “cock sandwiches”.

This due to the fact that there are so many cock sandwiches that play for the Mets.  I use the term way too often, and trust me, if these fucks were winning a little bit more, I would not have to call them cock sandwiches.  It is simple really.

Like,lets say for example…Jose Reyes.  He is a huge cock sandwich, I mean look at this fool…

Anyway, I want to take this time to thank you, the New York Mets for making this possible.  And also, I would like to thank all of you MetsBallers fans for making this possible!

Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’abate, producer of the Howard Stern show (my favorite), has single handedly ruined the Mets season.  The New York Mets were in 1st place and healthy on May 9, 2009.  Then this happened…

Gary launched a fuckin meatball into the fuckin stands.  The worst pitch in the history of baseball.

Ever since that fateful pitch, the fuckin Mets were doomed.  They went into a downward spiral from which they never recovered.  Lets take a look at the unfortunate series of events that have occured since that day.

The Mets were in 1st place with a 16-13 record, since then, they have gone 41-57.

Every single player on the Mets opening day roster has been to the disabled list… Most never to return this season.

April 18th: Brian Schneider, right after it was announced Baba Booey was going to throw out the 1st pitch.

May 8th: Oliver Perez,  the day before the fateful pitch.

May 16th: Carlos Delgado   May 19th: Alex Cora   May 26th: Ryan Church & Jose Reyes

June 2nd – Angel Pagan   June 5th – Ramon Martinez   June 6th - J.J. Putz   June 12th: John Maine  June 23rd: Carlos Beltran

July 10th: Fernando Martinez  July 11th: Church for Francoeur Trade Helps the squad but doesn’t add any depth to the depleted team. July 20th: Fernando Nieve    July 26th: Gary Sheffield

August 5th: Jon Niese

August 16th: David Wright

August 18th: Alex Cora (second time)

August 25th: Johan Santana

August 26th: Oliver Perez (second time)

Need more proof?  I think otherwise.  But here is more proof.

I love Howard Stern, and I like Baba Booey, but this motherfucker needs to stay the fuck away from the fuckin Mets.

I actually met Gary once, in Boca Raton, Fl at Neighborhood’s Sports BAr and Grill, for a Mets playoff game against the Cardinals in 2006.   I had the pleasure of sitting at the table next to him.  The Mets were winning then too, in the playoffs and everything, then I speak to him, and the next day the Mets collapse.  We all know what happened in 2006, and 2007, and 2008, and now 2009.

You think this is coincidence, I do not.  And I blame Gary, that buck toothed bastard.

Thanks a lot, Gary, you fuckin asshole.  Maybe I can have Gary give me his tickets, so I can go to a game in style.

Jerry Manuel said yesterday he doesn’t expect Jose Reyes to return to the Mets this season.

“I am kind of working on the assumption he won’t be back, and I believe it may have something to do with Reyes and his big pussy” Manuel said.

Based on recent reports, Reyes has not been doing shit for a few weeks now.  People are speculating that the team, is not happy about it.  People are suggesting that much of Jose’s delay might be in his head, not his leg, in that he might be that he is too much of a pussy to really push it to the limit.

Here is a picture of Reyes in the dugout after he pleasured his pussy with a dildo…