Well, low and behold, as we are nearing the end of spring training and the final spots on the team are up for grabs.  The New York Mets only have a few spots to fill.  Okay, a few more than a few.

Lets take a look at the locks first…

LF- Bay

RF- Francoeur

3B- Wright

SS- Reyes

2B- Castillo- most hate him, I like him.  He had one bad year in 2008, and one bad catch in 2009, other than that, he was our second best hitter no matter how you slice it.

1B-Murphy- Murph will definitely have the job opening day, but he better have a fast start and that’s a whole separate conversation.

SP- Santana

RP- Feliciano

CP- Rodriguez

So that leaves us with a C, 4 SP’s, 6 RP’s, and CF.

At catcher, it is looking like Barajas and Blanco, leaving the odd man out, Omir Santos.  I like Santos, and I think given an opportunity to play a whole season, he could be a .285 hitter with 15-20 hr and 80 RBIs, much like Daniel Murphy.  Barajas and Blanco are sub .230 hitters.  They have some power, and maybe working with Hojo, they can learn some plate discipline.

I said we need 4 starting pitchers because let’s face it, we need 4 SP’s, and fucking quick.  Here is my theory.  Give the job to the 4 best guys in spring.  No matter who they are.  Whoever performed the best, we keep.  Why risk it with Perez, Maine, Pelfrey and Niese?

Give Jenry Mejia a fucking shot.  The kid is an animal.  Igarashi has looked fucking great.  Give the best performers a shot.  Perez, Maine and Pelfrey have all showed this spring, that miracles do not happen.  These fucking cock sandwiches are not going to all of a sudden, get it and become all stars.  Let’s face it, they suck dick.

So as far as the rotation goes, keep the guys who are doing the best as SP’s and the rest go to the bull pen.  Perez could become our 2nd lefty out of the pen!  No need to trade anyone.

That leaves Centerfield.  It is a race between Gary Mathews, and Angel Pagan, or at least until old rusty knee Beltran comes back.  I think this has to go to Pagan.  The guy is a maniac, and I believe he will be an allstar one day.  Mark my words.  I think he has earned the shot.  Mathews has looked awesome this spring, but he is older and we might be able to get a less shitty SP than what we have for him, and that can help.

So why the headline?  Well, Figueroa is a strange case.  He pitches fucking awesome when it doesn’t fucking matter.  He did awesome in the WBC, and awesome in the beginning of the spring when the Mets and there opponents were facing highschoolers.  The problem with this guy is, he is good when he is good, but when he is bad, he is on a whole different level.

This fucking guy gave up 7 fucking runs on 8 hits in one inning against the Marlins.  Today of all days, this guy should have been making his case to be on this team and he goes out and does this.  He did this last year and the year before and the the year before that.   That is why he is going to be 36 years old, and has never competed in a full MLB season.  He is a fucking liability.

Sorry Danny, I know he is your boy. But he needs to peace the fuck out.  I don’t give a shit if he is a nice guy or not.  I’ll hang out with the dude, I just do not want him pitching for the Mets.

Look for me at the game tomorrow.   I got a fucking sick fucking seat.  I am right in between the Mets dugout and batters box first row.  So these fucking cock faces are going to hear it from me the whole game, rest assured.

I will be in my usual costume minus my boy Danny.  He could not make it, so this is a solo mission.

Me and Danny at the Game

I am telling David Wright that I am expecting him to hit 6 hr’s in this game to prove to me he is not going to suck again.  Or he will be struck promptly with a tomato.

I will be posting live updates throughout the game as well as posting videos and pictures.  I am bringing a bunch of baseballs to get autographed so if you want one, get one your fucking self.

In addition to the baseballs, I will be also bringing a 3 cases of rotten tomatoes, which I will be tossing at either the Mets or the Astros, or most likely everyone within range.  But everyone who comes up to bat for the Mets will be close enough for a nipple pinch.  So look out Alex Cora.  You too Oliver Perez, Mike Pelfrey, John Maine, Jon Niese, Sean Green, Daniel Murphy.  Bay, you may make it through the game safe, unless you strike out, then you get struck…twice.

Check back for updates tomorrow or follow me on Twitter.com/metsballers, as I will be streaming from Port St. Lucie starting at 11am…

Now this is some exciting news…… John Maine came to terms with the Mets for $3.3 Million. Lets hope, for some reason that he has a good season. Even though he has only had one good season in his career. And by season I mean pitching a decent amount of games, being over .500 and having an ERA under 4.

Lets me realistic. This guy is nothing more then average at best. Hopefully they can trade him and someone else for a real pitcher.

The Mets defeated the Astros by the score of 7-1 at Citi Field tonight.

John Maine finally did not suck assholes and went seven innings and while striking out seven.   He only allowed 1 run on five hits and got his 7th win this season.

The Mets amazingly smashed 14 hits tonight.

Jeff Francoeur crushed the go ahead two run home run which scored David Wright in the sixth inning.

The Mets scored four more runs in the eighth thanks to an Omir Santos RBI single, an Anderson Hernandez sacrifice fly that scored Fernando Tatis.

Daniel Murphy also crushed a  pinch hit two run home run.

Beltran, Murphy, Francoeur, and Wright are keepers.  Ditch everyone else.

The Mets have 2 games left in the season and go again tomorrow afternoon at 1:10 pm, with Pat Misch facing Yorman Bazardo.

The Mets lost again to the Fish by the score of 9-6 at Land Shark Stadium.

John Maine is back to his old self again.   Damn, finally.  He was back in form tonight in one of his most entertaining starts of the young season.  Maine pitch absolutely shitty for 4.2 innings, allowing just 7 runs on 7 hits and a couple of walks.

It was nice to see that after 6 months on the DL with a chip on his shoulder, he “rehabilitated” himself enough to come back and suck extra asshole.   He should have just stayed on the fucking bench.  Forever.  Ship that fuck face out.

At one point, he threw such a shitty pitch, that he actually beaned a kid in the fucking face, that was sitting right above the Mets dug out.  They had to carry the kid out on a stretcher.  Maine could not believe what he had just done…

Don’t worry, the kid was fine.  The kid did the customary thumbs up while being carted out of the stadium.  Nobody bothered to  tell Maine that the baby was fine.  He thought he just  killed a kid, and was visibly shaken, as you can see here after the inning…

Turns out Maine, was not upset that he beaned a baby, he thought he had head lice.    K-Rod helped out Maine, by taking a look.  Negative. Nothing.  Maine was apparently fine, but not fine enough to pitch the next inning when he gave up 5 fucking runs.

The kid had this to say…

Even Cameron Maybin, got in on the action against Maine, of all the fucking people in the world, and smoked a fucking 3 run bomb that ended Maines evening.

The Mets all around, played pretty shitty tonight.  Wright did not run fast enough to score on a single by Francoeur, which he tried to stretch into a double.  He was out at 2nd before Wright crossed the plate to end the inning.

Tatis hit a 2 run shot, and Wright doubled in Pagan before not running fast enough.

Beltran smashed his 11th homer of the year, but that was all she wrote.

The Mets threatened in the 9th and scored a few runs, but came up about as short as a midget’s dick.

Well, this long painful season is still not fucking over, as we have another game tomorrow against this fucking assholes.

The Mets defeated the Marlins by the score of 6-5 at Land Shark Stadium in Miami tonight.

Jeff Francoeur crushed a three run home run in the second, but Tim Redding allowed a three run home run to Hanley Ramirez in the bottom of the fifth, and then Redding and the bullpen allowed two more runs to score in the bottom of the seventh inning on a Jorge Cantu opposite field double, which was fucking fantastic.

The Mets scored their fourth run in the seventh inning when David Wright struck out on a fucking wild pitch, allowing Brian Schneider to score.  Talk about swinging at bad pitches, the fucking ball almost landed in the dug out, and this douche bag still swings?

In the ninth inning, the Mets loaded the bases with nobody out against Marlins closer  Leo Nunez, and Cory Sullivan hit an opposite field two run single to score Francoeur and Daniel Murphy and then guess what,  Wright struck out again.

David Wright struck out 4 times tonight.  Fucking sweet.  Thanks dude.

The Mets continue against the Marlins tomorrow night in Miami with John Maine facing Sean West.

John Maine pitched five shutout innings to earn his first victory since fucking May and the New York Mets beat the Washington Nationals 6-2 on Sunday, and clinched 2nd to last place.  Pop the bottles, dog, pop the bottles.

Daniel Murphy smashed two hits and two RBIs for the Mets, which won two of three in the weekend series between the bottom dwellers in the NL East.   It was a battle for shit supremacy.

Murphy is batting .347 (17 for 49) with two homers and 11 RBIs in his last 13 games. Kid can definitely crush it.

Angel Pagan finished with three hits and is a fucking hitting machine and Luis Castillo had two for the Mets, who scored their most runs since a 10-9 victory at Philadelphia on Sept. 12.

Carlos Beltran had an RBI single in the 3rd and Wilson Valdez added a two-run triple in the 8th.  I actually liked the lineup today, minus Wilson Valdez.  Thanks for the triple, fuck face, now go fuck your ugly wife…

Maine (6-5) allowed two singles and a walk in his best start since he was sidelined for more than three months with a sore pussy. He finally came off the disabled list last Sunday at Philadelphia and yielded one run and two hits over three innings in a 5-4 loss.

Congratulations John Maine, you cock sandwich.

The Mets lost to the Phillies 5 to 4 in Philadelphia in the first game of today’s double-header.

John Maine made his first start since June 6 going 3 innings and tossing 57 meatballs. He gave up an RBI double to Ryan Howard in the first inning, but that was it.  His fastball was hitting just over 57 mph, which baffled the Phillies.

He also announced that he and former Met Duaner “Dirty” Sanchez, are now engaged…

Shane Victorino and Ben Francisco each clobbered home runs off Tobi “I’m a  huge” Stoner.

The Mets scored two runs against Brad Lidge in the ninth, but still came up short.

Josh “Ass” Thole was 4–for-4 with an RBI and a run scored.

Following the game, Jerry Manuel said, “it looks like this “Ass” Thole will have a bright future.”

Pedro Martinez outdueled Tim Redding, leading the Philadelphia Phillies to a 1-0 win over the New York Mets and completed the doubleheader sweep on Sunday night.

Pedro beaned Luis Castillo just for shits and giggles.

Martinez (5-0) looked pretty fucking good, struck out seven and threw 130 pitches in eight shutout innings. He retired 10 straight at one point and the NL East-leading Phillies are now 7-0 when he starts. Fucking awesome.  We couldn’t have used him at all this year.

After the game, Omar Minaya had this to say…”Damn.”

Tim Redding (2-6) looked fucking great, too, over six innings and retired 14 straight at one point.

Chase Ugly had an RBI single in the first inning, for the only offense of the whole fucking game.  What a barn burner right?

Yesterday after the Mets win over the Phils, Mike Pelfrey was asked about the return of John Maine for Sunday, to which he replied the following…

“The pressure is off John Maine”, said Mike Pelfrey.

“He gets to follow me,” Pelfrey said. “After the way I pitched today, he can do anything, and it’ll be an improvement. That’s my present to him.”

David Wright crushed a two-out, two-run homer in the ninth inning off Ryan Madson, and the  New York Mets came from behind to win 10-9 over the Philadelphia Phillies on Saturday.

Wright blasted 2 hr’s and matched a career high with six fucking RBIs. The Mets scored five runs in the final two innings to shock the shit out of the Phillies. Madson blew his sixth save.

Pedro Feliciano (6-4) got the final out in the eighth inning, with the bases loaded for the win. Francisco Rodriguez pitched a flawless ninth for his 31st save.

As usual, Chase Utley, Raul Ibanez and Pedro Feliz crushed bombs for the Phillies. But Beltran and Wright put up 3 of their own.

Chef Mike Pelfrey served up meatballs all day staring with Ruiz in the second, and again in the third when Utley and Ibanez each hit their 31st homers. Ibanez pulled the ball into the right-field seats for a two-run shot that put the Phillies ahead 5-4, that missed the statue of Rocky Balboa by a cunt hair.

Chef Pelfrey gave up 8 runs and 32 hits, and looked like a puss filled pimple on a strippers asshole.  If he is going to keep serving up meatballs like this, I think its time he found a new profession that more suits his pitching style…

Also, yesterday I said I would shave off my ball hairs and glue them to my friend, Marty’s chin, while he was sleeping in a drunken stooper.  Luckily for us all, I drugged him earlier in the day, and I was able to complete my mission.  Below is a picture of Marty after waking up to find his new facial hair…

Mets play again tomorrow with Pedro Martinez, facing John Maine, who is fresh from the DL.  Hopefully this will not be a complete disaster.