Gary Sheffield and Carlos Delgado are not coming back for the rest of the season, due to the fact that they are both 50 years old, and at that age, their pussies begin to hurt a lot more.

Sheffield is currently suffering from back and pussy spasms.

Delgado was on his way back from surgery on his hip before straining a penis muscle in August, and he is not currently performing any baseball or sexual activities.

Delgado was hitting .298 with four home runs and 23 RBI in 26 games before being shutdown.

Both players will be free agents at the end of the season.  Bye, you fucking pussies.  See you guys later.

After pitching four scoreless innings in a minor league rehab game on Saturday for St. Lucie, John Maine returned to the Mets for yesterday’s game in New York.

Maine went on to say that getting paid millions of dollars to do nothing is what cured him, as Dr. James Andrews instructed him on July 29 to stop throwing and start drinking patron for two weeks, and Maine said that made the difference.

He does regret not resting earlier, telling reporters:

“I probably should’ve starting drinking earlier but didn’t.”

“As soon as I was feeling better I stopped throwing off the mound and long tossing, I knew I was not going to pitch.”

He says that drinking during the off season will ensure he is ready for Spring Training.

And lastly, yesterday in Brooklyn, Carlos Beltran batted second for the Cyclones and went 1 for 5 with a run scored as the Cyclones lost.

After the game, Beltran declared himself 100 percent and said “I’m good to go.”

Although there has been no official word as to when Beltran might be activated, he is hoping that he returns to action tomorrow against the Marlins at Citi Field.

Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’abate, producer of the Howard Stern show (my favorite), has single handedly ruined the Mets season.  The New York Mets were in 1st place and healthy on May 9, 2009.  Then this happened…

Gary launched a fuckin meatball into the fuckin stands.  The worst pitch in the history of baseball.

Ever since that fateful pitch, the fuckin Mets were doomed.  They went into a downward spiral from which they never recovered.  Lets take a look at the unfortunate series of events that have occured since that day.

The Mets were in 1st place with a 16-13 record, since then, they have gone 41-57.

Every single player on the Mets opening day roster has been to the disabled list… Most never to return this season.

April 18th: Brian Schneider, right after it was announced Baba Booey was going to throw out the 1st pitch.

May 8th: Oliver Perez,  the day before the fateful pitch.

May 16th: Carlos Delgado   May 19th: Alex Cora   May 26th: Ryan Church & Jose Reyes

June 2nd – Angel Pagan   June 5th – Ramon Martinez   June 6th - J.J. Putz   June 12th: John Maine  June 23rd: Carlos Beltran

July 10th: Fernando Martinez  July 11th: Church for Francoeur Trade Helps the squad but doesn’t add any depth to the depleted team. July 20th: Fernando Nieve    July 26th: Gary Sheffield

August 5th: Jon Niese

August 16th: David Wright

August 18th: Alex Cora (second time)

August 25th: Johan Santana

August 26th: Oliver Perez (second time)

Need more proof?  I think otherwise.  But here is more proof.

I love Howard Stern, and I like Baba Booey, but this motherfucker needs to stay the fuck away from the fuckin Mets.

I actually met Gary once, in Boca Raton, Fl at Neighborhood’s Sports BAr and Grill, for a Mets playoff game against the Cardinals in 2006.   I had the pleasure of sitting at the table next to him.  The Mets were winning then too, in the playoffs and everything, then I speak to him, and the next day the Mets collapse.  We all know what happened in 2006, and 2007, and 2008, and now 2009.

You think this is coincidence, I do not.  And I blame Gary, that buck toothed bastard.

Thanks a lot, Gary, you fuckin asshole.  Maybe I can have Gary give me his tickets, so I can go to a game in style.

The Mets open a three game series tonight at 7:10 pm against the Marlins at Land Shark Stadium in Miami.

Angel Pagan is leading off, followed by Luis Castillo, Gary Sheffield, Jeff Francoeur, Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy, Omir Santos, and Anderson Hernandez.

Nelson Figueroa (1-2, 6.30 ERA), who was discovered to have an addiction to sucking cock and balls, will toss meatballs for the Mets.  In just 14 innings of work since August 3, he has allowed 11 runs and 28 hits .   Those are the real numbers, normally I would insert some outrageous stats here, but I have no need to with numbers like these.

Sean West (4-5, 4.70 ERA) will hurl slop for the Marlins.  Despite his shitty stats, this asshole dominated the Mets on May 29th.

The New York Mets lost the series finale to the Philadelphia Phillies by the score of 6-2 at Citi Field today.

Bobby “I have one mean pitch” Parnell, did not get off to a good start against the Phils today.  In the first inning, he beaned Shane Victorino to start the game, walked Chase Utley, and gave up a monstrous home run to Ryan Howard.

In the bottom of the 1st, the Mets got 2 back.  On a wild play, Angel Pagan  managed to come all the way around to score, on an errant throw and a dropped pop up by 2nd baseman Chase Utley.  Gary Sheffield scored on a ball sac from Fernando Tatis, after he tripled to right.

In the 3rd, that animal Ryan Howard, crushed another meatball to deep right with a man on to give the Phillies a 5-2 lead.  Ryan Howard + Fastball= Not Fucking Good for the Mets

Parnell was pulled after 5 innings, and allowing 5 runs, on 4 hits, with 3 k’s and 3 bb’s.  Even though he only allowed 4 hits, 2 of them were home runs by Howard.

Billy Wagner came in for the 8th and fuckin looks great.  He struck out 2 and allowed a walk.  I really pray to god, that the Mets keep him although I know it is not going to happen.

Cliff Lee looked fantastic for the Phillies, going 7.0 innings, scattering just 6 hits and striking out 5.  Lee is now 5-0 with a 0.62 ERA since joining the Phillies.  Cliff Lee can suck a dick, as far as I am concerned,  but still a nice pick up for the Phils.

Phillies scored again in the top of the 9th, after Chase Utley doubled off of Feliciano, and Ibanez doubled to bring him home, giving the Phils a 6-2 lead.

At least the Mets won1 of 4 from the Phils, which is one more than I thought they would muster.  David Wright was fielding ground balls before the game which is a positive sign, as he looks to be back in the lineup by September 1st along with that Putz.

The Mets conclude their four game series against the Phillies at 1:10 pm today at Citi Field.  At least it will be over early today!

Angel Pagan is leadoff, followed by Luis Castillo, Gary Sheffield, Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy, Omir Santos, Cory Sullivan, and Anderson Hernandez.

Bobby Parnell (3-5, 4.74 ERA) will toss his one and only pitch for the Mets.  Parnell got hammered against the Braves during his last outing, lasting only three innings and allowing nine runs on nine hits.

Cliff Lee (11-9, 2.72 ERA) will hurl slop for the Phillies. Lee has been lights out since joining Philadelphia, winning all four decisions and posting a microscopic 0.82 ERA over that span, dating back to July 31. Today will be his first career appearance against the Mets.  He is poised to embarass the shit out of this Mets lineup.

Cross those motherfucking fingers, Mets Fans!

The Mets (57-65) continue their four-game series with the Phillies (69-50) in Citi Field tonight.

JA ” Mis” Happ (9-2, 2.66 ERA) will hurl slop for the Phils.  The Mets scored four runs on six hits, including two home runs, against Happ in June.

Tim “the Tool Bag” Redding (1-4, 6.53) will toss meatballs for the Mets. I can not believe the Mets got rid of Livan Hernandez, only to have this fuckin douchebag pitch.  Call up a little leaguer, we would have a much better fuckin shot.  Redding allowed thirty three runs in seven innings against the Phillies during a start earlier this season.

Angel Pagan is leading off, followed by Luis Castillo, Gary Sheffield, Jeff Francoeur, Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy, Omir Santos, Wilson Valdez, and Tim Redding.

Lets just hope, the Mets do not fall on their faces like this guy…

So the plot thickens in the Gary Sheffield saga.  Some news of the meeting Sheffield had with Omar Minaya has surfaced.  This news will shed some light on what really went down.

As most of you probably know by now, and some that don’t, Gary Sheffield is his own agent.  That is insane in and of itself.

I know of one other sports figure who represents himself as his own agent and that is the “Executioner”, Bernard Hopkins.   Bernard Hopkins has been punched in the head thousands of times, so he kind of gets a pass.

What makes it so crazy with Sheffield, is that when he is negotiating on his own behalf, he comes in and speaks to people in the 3rd person.

It went a little something like this…

“Uh hello, Omar? It’s me, Gary Sheffied, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes Gary, come on in.  I wanted to let you know that you were put on waivers today, and you have been claimed.  Thing is, the only thing we were offered for you, was a few dozen hot dogs.  Although it was very enticing at the time,  I decided you were worth more to the team than a few dozen hot dogs.  A few dozen cases, and we would have had a deal, but they would not budge.  I pulled you back off waivers.”

“Oh great Omar, Me and Gary have been wanting to speak to you about Gary’s contract status, we both knew the whole time you were feeling the same way as I was, and that you wanted to offer Gary a new contract for 5 years.  I know Gary was looking for$15-20 million a year, but I think Gary may negotiate.  In fact, I have even put together an entire marketing plan around Gary’s trek towards 3000 hits.  Right now,  Gary is only 350 hits away.”

Sheffield then presented a life sized card board cut out of this…

Sheffield went on to say, “You see, the way Gary and I figure it, is Gary needs about 4 years to get those hits with time for multiple injuries included.  At a rate of $20 million per, lets see, uh that makes, uh $279 million and I will be 66 when I retire.   What do you say?”

Minaya replied simply, “No”

Sheffield replied, “Oh I see, playin hardball are we, Gary said he would take a cunt hair under $19 million, and if not, Gary is going home to Florida and quitting.  How about that?”

“Go ahead” Minaya said.  “I got an idea, how about we let you play 30 more games and we will give you the rest of the $100 grand we owe you?”

Confused and stunned at the offer, Sheffield replied, “Deal!  I will let Gary know”  And he walked out of the office.

Minaya had this to say after the meeting…

So, I am typically behind the scenes on MetsBAllers. I do some of our detailed information research, as well as, work on new developments (like our new layout, thank you very much!). And unlike Mikey Mets. I am not that fucking funny.

After reading an article on Gary Sheffield on Sportsline.com. I just had to put something together about this fucking mutt.

I will start first with giving my father credit for being able to spot a retard from a mile away. For the last decade or so he has called Shef out. I, being the type of person that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, have always liked Shef as a player. I am a big fan of offense and I have always loved his swing.

Now, to why I am writing this article. This bag’o'douche, has the fucking nerve, at age 524 to pull this shit. He wants a contract extension or he wants to be traded? Are you fucking kidding me!  This guy is making $14 million bucks this year and he is not even capable of being a full time player with those 2 fuckin wooden pegs, he calls legs.

This is possibly the dumbest shit, I have come across in a long time. Does he really think that there is a championship contender out there dying to pick up a shitty designated hitter? Does he really think that someone is gonna dig into the pockets to pay him the big bucks. I just don’t get it.

My conclusion to all of this, is that Gary Sheffield, is just batshit crazy. All I have to say about this, is FUCK YOU Gary Sheffield.

Try that shit on the train…..

The Mets start a meaningless series tonight against the Philadelphia Phillies at Shiti Field.

Mike “I will never reach my potential” Pelfrey (6-6, 4.75) will toss meatballs for the Mets.  Mike Pelfrey is one shitty pitcher.

Cole Hamels (7-7, 4.69 ERA) will hurl slop for the Phillies.  Cole Hamels is an equally shitty pitcher.

That means only one thing… a guaranteed shitty display of pitching!

Also, one other thing is guaranteed, another shitty display of hitting… Here is the Mets line up for the evening…

Angel Pagan is leading off, followed by Luis Castillo,  Gary Sheffield or Omolatu Olywekekyandadi, Jeff Francoeur, Fernando Tatis, Daniel Murphy, Omir Santos, and Anderson Hernandez. and the Pelfer.

This should be interesting to say the least.

The New York Mets lost their series finale to the Atlanta Braves 3-2 tonight at Shiti Field.

Ryan Church made the Mets pay for trading him by hitting a double in the in the 3rd, scoring Adam Laroche, and then scored himself on a ball sac fly from Omar Infante.  They added another run in the 4th, when Brian McCann blasted a homer to Yonkers.  Thanks for rubbing it in, Church, you fuckin douchebag.

Church, then smiled as he threatened to beat Jerry Manuel with a baseball bat (pictured below), after his comments earlier this week.

The Mets got one back in the 3rd, on a single from Cory Sullivan which scored Luis Castillo.  They got one back in the 8th too, when Jeff Francoeur scored on a base hit by Omir Santos.

They threatened in the 9th with two outs on a chopper from Luis Castillo that bounced into left field, but Daniel Murphy popped it up to end the game.  Thanks cock face.

Johan Santana looked like shit tonight going 7 innings, allowing 3 runs on 9 hits, with only 2 strikeouts.

The story of the night was the triumphant return of Mets veteran closer, Billy Wagner, who pitched the 8th inning allowing no hits, and fanning 2.  Say goodbye to him guys, he will be gone soon.

And it will get worse, we will get rid of Wagner who is as good now as he was before the surgery and maybe even better, and exercise their option on that Putz.  Putz will come back next year and be worse than before and we will watch Wagner go back to the Phillies and break K-Rod’s save record next season.

Or worse the same thing that happened to Gary Sheffield (See Story Here), could happen to Billy Wagner.  Here is a pic of Billy Wagner in the dug out after he pitched a perfect 8th, and learned of the Sheffield news…

Oh Fuck!

Oh well… bye Billy.