Well, low and behold, as we are nearing the end of spring training and the final spots on the team are up for grabs.  The New York Mets only have a few spots to fill.  Okay, a few more than a few.

Lets take a look at the locks first…

LF- Bay

RF- Francoeur

3B- Wright

SS- Reyes

2B- Castillo- most hate him, I like him.  He had one bad year in 2008, and one bad catch in 2009, other than that, he was our second best hitter no matter how you slice it.

1B-Murphy- Murph will definitely have the job opening day, but he better have a fast start and that’s a whole separate conversation.

SP- Santana

RP- Feliciano

CP- Rodriguez

So that leaves us with a C, 4 SP’s, 6 RP’s, and CF.

At catcher, it is looking like Barajas and Blanco, leaving the odd man out, Omir Santos.  I like Santos, and I think given an opportunity to play a whole season, he could be a .285 hitter with 15-20 hr and 80 RBIs, much like Daniel Murphy.  Barajas and Blanco are sub .230 hitters.  They have some power, and maybe working with Hojo, they can learn some plate discipline.

I said we need 4 starting pitchers because let’s face it, we need 4 SP’s, and fucking quick.  Here is my theory.  Give the job to the 4 best guys in spring.  No matter who they are.  Whoever performed the best, we keep.  Why risk it with Perez, Maine, Pelfrey and Niese?

Give Jenry Mejia a fucking shot.  The kid is an animal.  Igarashi has looked fucking great.  Give the best performers a shot.  Perez, Maine and Pelfrey have all showed this spring, that miracles do not happen.  These fucking cock sandwiches are not going to all of a sudden, get it and become all stars.  Let’s face it, they suck dick.

So as far as the rotation goes, keep the guys who are doing the best as SP’s and the rest go to the bull pen.  Perez could become our 2nd lefty out of the pen!  No need to trade anyone.

That leaves Centerfield.  It is a race between Gary Mathews, and Angel Pagan, or at least until old rusty knee Beltran comes back.  I think this has to go to Pagan.  The guy is a maniac, and I believe he will be an allstar one day.  Mark my words.  I think he has earned the shot.  Mathews has looked awesome this spring, but he is older and we might be able to get a less shitty SP than what we have for him, and that can help.

So why the headline?  Well, Figueroa is a strange case.  He pitches fucking awesome when it doesn’t fucking matter.  He did awesome in the WBC, and awesome in the beginning of the spring when the Mets and there opponents were facing highschoolers.  The problem with this guy is, he is good when he is good, but when he is bad, he is on a whole different level.

This fucking guy gave up 7 fucking runs on 8 hits in one inning against the Marlins.  Today of all days, this guy should have been making his case to be on this team and he goes out and does this.  He did this last year and the year before and the the year before that.   That is why he is going to be 36 years old, and has never competed in a full MLB season.  He is a fucking liability.

Sorry Danny, I know he is your boy. But he needs to peace the fuck out.  I don’t give a shit if he is a nice guy or not.  I’ll hang out with the dude, I just do not want him pitching for the Mets.

Well these fuckin shit faces are at it again.  The New York Mets signed yet another fucking catcher who sucks dick.

The Mets signed shitty free-agent C Rod Barajas to a one-year, $1 million contract.

Barajas can earn another $1 million in ‘easily-attainable incentives, like get on base twice, and catch for at least one inning. you know… shit like that.

The 34-year-old cock sandwich Barajas hit .226 last season with 19 HR and 71 RBI.  Fucking great.

That means someone is getting the fucking axe.  Watch out Santos.

Well, at least this guy has balls.  Last year, mid game, he went up to some lady in the stands and started eating her out.  By the looks of it, he may not be that good at that either.

John Maine pitched five shutout innings to earn his first victory since fucking May and the New York Mets beat the Washington Nationals 6-2 on Sunday, and clinched 2nd to last place.  Pop the bottles, dog, pop the bottles.

Daniel Murphy smashed two hits and two RBIs for the Mets, which won two of three in the weekend series between the bottom dwellers in the NL East.   It was a battle for shit supremacy.

Murphy is batting .347 (17 for 49) with two homers and 11 RBIs in his last 13 games. Kid can definitely crush it.

Angel Pagan finished with three hits and is a fucking hitting machine and Luis Castillo had two for the Mets, who scored their most runs since a 10-9 victory at Philadelphia on Sept. 12.

Carlos Beltran had an RBI single in the 3rd and Wilson Valdez added a two-run triple in the 8th.  I actually liked the lineup today, minus Wilson Valdez.  Thanks for the triple, fuck face, now go fuck your ugly wife…

Maine (6-5) allowed two singles and a walk in his best start since he was sidelined for more than three months with a sore pussy. He finally came off the disabled list last Sunday at Philadelphia and yielded one run and two hits over three innings in a 5-4 loss.

Congratulations John Maine, you cock sandwich.

The Mets lost to the Braves by the score of 6-5 in a fucking shocker tonight at Turner Field.

After a two hour rain delay, the game did eventually start in Atlanta.

The Mets were fucking smacking the ball all over the fucking field like all stars getting 16 hits on the night.

Josh “Ass” Thole went 2 for 4 batting out of the number two spot, and continues to impress.

That will be, until they give him a huge opportunity to play everyday next year, and he contracts Daniel Murphy’s disease and disappoints the shit out of you, and grounds out with the bases loaded.  Moving on…

With two outs and the bases loaded in the second, Josh “Ass”  Thole hit a single to right field, scoring Jeff Francouer and Jeremy Reed. David Wright then had an opposite field hit to the same spot to drive in Luis Castillo, giving the Mets an early three run lead.  I feel like I haven’t seen that many hits in a row in a while.  It was nice until…

The next two innings, cock face Bobby “One Pitch” Parnell threw his pitch, and was fucking horrible.  He threw meatballs for only 3.1 innings, and gave up four runs, on seven hits.  Parnell had no command of his pitch and was completely ineffective at getting people out.

In his last start against the Braves, he allowed nine earned runs in just three fucking innings on August 19.  That means, in his last two starts against the Braves, this cock sandwich has given up 13 runs in 6.1 innings.  Fucking cock sandwich was definitely in order here, if I do say so myself.

In the eighth, Omir Santos, who can be somewhat clutch, came in and crushed a pinch hit home run to give the Mets a 5-4 lead.  Great fucking news, right? Wrong.

In the eighth, Jerry “I need a new” Manuel made the wrong call to Francisco Rodriguez to get the four out save.  This fucking cock bag blew his sixth save of the season in the ninth and took  the loss to boot.

Garret Anderson smashed a doubled past Murphy. Brian McCann fucking beaned.  These assholes advance on a fielder’s choice to first. K-Rod intentionally walked Adam LaRoche to load the bases and quickly gave up a ball sack fly to Omar Infante to tie it.  Then, as usual, fuck face Daniel Murphy made his 300th error of the season on a Ryan Church grounder, allowing the winning run to score.

The Mets will be swept in Atlanta tomorrow night at 7:10 p.m., with Nelson “Go Fuckin” Figueroa (2-5, 4.57 ERA) tossing meatballs against Jair Jurrjens (11-10, 2.81 ERA).

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have done it.  Due to the terrible play of the New York Mets, and yours truly, we now have an official entry into the urban dictionary, for the word “cock sandwich”.  Due to our extensive use of the word, we are ranked #3 on Google when one searches for cock sandwiches, and now this.  I feel like I am in a dream.  Anyway, check it out…

Urban Dictionary

3.	cock sandwich	1 thumb up
	1- A moron, an idiot, someone who screws up a lot 2- a douchebag, an arrogant prick, someone who is cocky The guy who dropped the ball is a huge cock sandwich. That guy is a real asshole, he is such a cock sandwich get this def on a mug cock sandwiches moron idiot douchebag prick by MetsBallers.com Sep 9, 2009 share this

The Marlins swept the Mets by the score of 13-4 tonight at Citi Field.

Bobby “One Pitch” Parnell is back to ball sucking, as he imploded like a fucking shit can minus the shit. What exactly that is like, I have no idea but it just felt right.

Even though he claimed he quit, Jerry Manuel found Parnell before the game with a mouth full of these…

In the 1st inning, Parnell allowed the first five fucking guys to reach base, and he walked in 2 runs. Watching the top of the 1st was worse than getting a molar pulled with no anesthesia.

Our fucking sick bull pen, which consists of Lance Broadway, Sean Green and Pedro Feliciano, allowed an additional seventeen runs in 2 2/3 innings. They are all cock sandwiches.

One bright spot was, Mets pitcher of the Future, Tobi “Big Time” Stoner, who pitched a scoreless inning with his 82mph meatballs.  Sick.  He entered to Cyprus Hill’s song, “Hits from the Bong”.

Angel Pagan and Jeff Francoeur were both 3 for 4 at the plate, and the Mets did manage to score 4 runs. It is just that 13 runs ia more than 4.

Pagan made his 322nd mental lapse, when he ran like a fucking chicken without a head with one out on a pop out by Francoeur.

The Mets are heading to Philly tomorrow as they try to get swept in 4, with Nelson Figueroa facing Cole Hamels.

The Mets lost, yet again, tonight to the Marlins 6-3 at Citi Field.  I fucking told you motherfuckers.

This cock sandwich Misch was bound to fold like a deck of cards.

I knew he was fucking terrible after they sent him back down to the fuckin minors the first time.  The fucking afternoon they recall him, this happened.  I even made a fucking special picture which I finally get to really unveil.  I knew I would need it.

The following picture is rather appropriate for this evening…

Pat Misch fucking lost his shit tonight in the first inning, allowing four runs. Three of which, came on a three-run bomb that fucking cock face Cody Ross, fucking crushed to Ibiza.

Right before that Misch fucking served three singles in a row.  Way to go, you fucking meat missle.

Misch allowed just one more run, a fucking mammoth shot that bounced off of  fucking Jupiter by Dan Uggla.

Ricky Nolasco, on the other hand, had a fucking one hitter until the sixth.

The Mets scored in the seventh. Carlos Beltran hit a rope that moved David Wright from first to third.  Daniel Murphy then notched a RBI double. Jeff Francoeur brought Beltran home on a ball sack fly, and Fernando Tatis, did what he does best and capped off the scoring with a ground out, which, just happen score Murphy.

That was the end of the fucking offense for these shit heads.

Regis Carpetmunch at MetsBlog.com summed it up best…At least the fans all got free hot dogs.

The Mets conclude their series with the Marlins tomorrow night, with Bobby Parnell (3-7, 5.25) facing Sean West (6-5, 4.61) at 7:10 p.m.

Everyone… print one of these out and fucking hold it up in the air while you watch the game… We will see if it works, but don’t get your fucking hopes up…

Thanks to these bumbling fools known around town as the New York Mets, Metsballers.com has earned a distinction I am not too sure I am proud of.  We have earned the dubious distinction, of being ranked number 3 on Google when you search for the term “cock sandwiches”.

This due to the fact that there are so many cock sandwiches that play for the Mets.  I use the term way too often, and trust me, if these fucks were winning a little bit more, I would not have to call them cock sandwiches.  It is simple really.

Like,lets say for example…Jose Reyes.  He is a huge cock sandwich, I mean look at this fool…

Anyway, I want to take this time to thank you, the New York Mets for making this possible.  And also, I would like to thank all of you MetsBallers fans for making this possible!

The New York Mets lost to the Philadelphia Phillies by the score 4-1 at  Citi Field.

Tonight, Tim Redding shocked the world, by going 5 innings, allowing no runs and just one hit.  He was doing fuckin great.  I was so prepared for him to suck asshole, that I even made this…

Then, Jerry Manuel, making yet another sick decision, decided to pull Redding when he was pitching the game of his life.  Pat Misch, who was called up earlier today, came into the game in the sixth and immediately walked Shane Victorino.  Next batter, Chase Utley, clobbered a meatball into parking lot in right field.  Good call, Jerry, good fuckin call… anyway…

As you can clearly see in this picture, Pat Misch obviously threw a meatball to Chase Utley…

Shout out to Pat Misch, who inspired me to photoshop an actual meatball into the photo.  Welcome aboard, you fuckin cock sandwich.

Sean Green came in to relieve Misch after 0.1 innings, and quickly gave a ground rule double to Ibanez.  Next batter, Pedro Feliz, also added a double to make it 3-1.  I love it when a plan comes together.

Pedro Feliciano, who should have been traded last week, came in for the 8th and gave up a few walks, and a double, before he was pulled.  Brian Stokes came in, and Carlos Ruiz hit a ball sac fly to score Howard.

The Mets scored first in the second, when Francoeur doubled and later scored on an Omir Santos single.

Tonight’s gameball goes to Pat Misch.  Here’s to you dickhead!

The New York Mets lost to the San Francisco Giants 10-1 tonight at Citi Field.  The Giants were crushing balls of of a tee tonight.

143 year old, 63 mph meatball tosser Livan Hernandez folded like a fuckin origami sculpture in the sixth inning.  He started off okay, not giving up any runs through the first 2 innings, but it was all down hill from there.  He gave up a run in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th innings, and then melted down like a snow cone in the desert in the sixth, when he gave up a single, then a double, an intentional walk, and then a double…fucking literally.  Not even I, can come up with that shit.  This motherfucker is pounding down cock sandwiches all day.  What a fuckin disgrace.

It gets worse. Then, Tim Redding relieved Hernandez in the 8th and started off the inning by giving up a single, followed by a single, followed by a single, followed by a single.  The Giants scored 3 more times.

Then, finally,  Nelson Figueroa relieved Tim Redding in the 9th, and quickly let up a single, followed by a single, followed by a single to give the Giants a 10-1 lead.

The Mets pitchers were seen before the game eating dingleberries from each others assholes, instead of warming up.  I guess that explains why they blew cock and balls.

The Mets scored in the 3rd when Cory Sullivan scored on Gary Sheffield’s single.  The Mets offense continues to be explosive, as evidenced by the 7 singles they crushed out of the infield.  That’s some promising shit right there.

In other news… Mets Suck Poo