Sep 07 2009
Maine, Beltran Ready, Sheffield, Delgado Not
Gary Sheffield and Carlos Delgado are not coming back for the rest of the season, due to the fact that they are both 50 years old, and at that age, their pussies begin to hurt a lot more.
Sheffield is currently suffering from back and pussy spasms.
Delgado was on his way back from surgery on his hip before straining a penis muscle in August, and he is not currently performing any baseball or sexual activities.
Delgado was hitting .298 with four home runs and 23 RBI in 26 games before being shutdown.
Both players will be free agents at the end of the season. Bye, you fucking pussies. See you guys later.
After pitching four scoreless innings in a minor league rehab game on Saturday for St. Lucie, John Maine returned to the Mets for yesterday’s game in New York.
Maine went on to say that getting paid millions of dollars to do nothing is what cured him, as Dr. James Andrews instructed him on July 29 to stop throwing and start drinking patron for two weeks, and Maine said that made the difference.
He does regret not resting earlier, telling reporters:
“I probably should’ve starting drinking earlier but didn’t.”
“As soon as I was feeling better I stopped throwing off the mound and long tossing, I knew I was not going to pitch.”
He says that drinking during the off season will ensure he is ready for Spring Training.
And lastly, yesterday in Brooklyn, Carlos Beltran batted second for the Cyclones and went 1 for 5 with a run scored as the Cyclones lost.
After the game, Beltran declared himself 100 percent and said “I’m good to go.”
Although there has been no official word as to when Beltran might be activated, he is hoping that he returns to action tomorrow against the Marlins at Citi Field.
