Well, low and behold, as we are nearing the end of spring training and the final spots on the team are up for grabs.  The New York Mets only have a few spots to fill.  Okay, a few more than a few.

Lets take a look at the locks first…

LF- Bay

RF- Francoeur

3B- Wright

SS- Reyes

2B- Castillo- most hate him, I like him.  He had one bad year in 2008, and one bad catch in 2009, other than that, he was our second best hitter no matter how you slice it.

1B-Murphy- Murph will definitely have the job opening day, but he better have a fast start and that’s a whole separate conversation.

SP- Santana

RP- Feliciano

CP- Rodriguez

So that leaves us with a C, 4 SP’s, 6 RP’s, and CF.

At catcher, it is looking like Barajas and Blanco, leaving the odd man out, Omir Santos.  I like Santos, and I think given an opportunity to play a whole season, he could be a .285 hitter with 15-20 hr and 80 RBIs, much like Daniel Murphy.  Barajas and Blanco are sub .230 hitters.  They have some power, and maybe working with Hojo, they can learn some plate discipline.

I said we need 4 starting pitchers because let’s face it, we need 4 SP’s, and fucking quick.  Here is my theory.  Give the job to the 4 best guys in spring.  No matter who they are.  Whoever performed the best, we keep.  Why risk it with Perez, Maine, Pelfrey and Niese?

Give Jenry Mejia a fucking shot.  The kid is an animal.  Igarashi has looked fucking great.  Give the best performers a shot.  Perez, Maine and Pelfrey have all showed this spring, that miracles do not happen.  These fucking cock sandwiches are not going to all of a sudden, get it and become all stars.  Let’s face it, they suck dick.

So as far as the rotation goes, keep the guys who are doing the best as SP’s and the rest go to the bull pen.  Perez could become our 2nd lefty out of the pen!  No need to trade anyone.

That leaves Centerfield.  It is a race between Gary Mathews, and Angel Pagan, or at least until old rusty knee Beltran comes back.  I think this has to go to Pagan.  The guy is a maniac, and I believe he will be an allstar one day.  Mark my words.  I think he has earned the shot.  Mathews has looked awesome this spring, but he is older and we might be able to get a less shitty SP than what we have for him, and that can help.

So why the headline?  Well, Figueroa is a strange case.  He pitches fucking awesome when it doesn’t fucking matter.  He did awesome in the WBC, and awesome in the beginning of the spring when the Mets and there opponents were facing highschoolers.  The problem with this guy is, he is good when he is good, but when he is bad, he is on a whole different level.

This fucking guy gave up 7 fucking runs on 8 hits in one inning against the Marlins.  Today of all days, this guy should have been making his case to be on this team and he goes out and does this.  He did this last year and the year before and the the year before that.   That is why he is going to be 36 years old, and has never competed in a full MLB season.  He is a fucking liability.

Sorry Danny, I know he is your boy. But he needs to peace the fuck out.  I don’t give a shit if he is a nice guy or not.  I’ll hang out with the dude, I just do not want him pitching for the Mets.

Well these fuckin shit faces are at it again.  The New York Mets signed yet another fucking catcher who sucks dick.

The Mets signed shitty free-agent C Rod Barajas to a one-year, $1 million contract.

Barajas can earn another $1 million in ‘easily-attainable incentives, like get on base twice, and catch for at least one inning. you know… shit like that.

The 34-year-old cock sandwich Barajas hit .226 last season with 19 HR and 71 RBI.  Fucking great.

That means someone is getting the fucking axe.  Watch out Santos.

Well, at least this guy has balls.  Last year, mid game, he went up to some lady in the stands and started eating her out.  By the looks of it, he may not be that good at that either.

Just when you thought the Mets could not make any shittier moves to help this fucking horrible team we have, the Mets have done it again.

Today they announced the resigning of shitty shortstop Alex Cora, to a 1 year deal with an option for 2011.  This fuckface will get a whopping $2 fucking million, with incentives to earn more.  Horrible fucking move in my opinion.  What’s yours?

To make matters worse, they also signed  C Chris Coste.  This fucking shit sucker Coste, hit .224 in 88 games with the Phillies and Astros last season, during which he played 15 games at first base.  He also wrote a book called “The 33 Year Old Rookie”, which should be renamed to the “The 36 Year Old Shitty Catcher Who Once Played 1st Base So He Was Aquired By the New York Mets to Be Their Power Hitting First Baseman.”

Fucking awesome.

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you all enjoyed eating turkey until you bust, drinking whisky til you puke and watching football with a fucking helmet on.   Now to some Mets news!

I know it has been a while since I posted about the Mets, but who wants to talk about the same bullshit rumors every fucking day.  When something actually transpires, I will be the first to let you know, but I am sick of all of the speculation.   It is ridiculous.

Anyway,  according to FoxSports.com, the Mets are close to re-signing RHP Elmer Dessens.  Yes, you read that right, Elmer “Fudd” Dessens.

What an awesome fucking move.

The 39–year-old Dessens had a 36.31 ERA in just 8 relief appearances for the Mets last season, during which left-handed batters hit .793 against him.  He struck out 4 batters and walked 76, while allowing 19 home runs.  Okay, so I am exaggerating a little, but are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit?  Ridiculous.

Can we focus on maybe getting some fucking guys, who could hit, or play the field?  Maybe a starting pitcher who can last more 2/3 of an inning?  I don’t know.  Fuck it, I am not getting my hopes up.

**Spelling Correction-  In the title, I meant to write “Jays” not “Gays”…. actually, no I meant it.**

Well, let the fucking rumor mill begin.  From now until April, I will be bringing you the latest Mets Trade Rumors, from the various news reporters who like to fuck with our heads.  Thanks in advance, you fucking cock sandwiches.

Ken Rosenthal of FoxSports.com believes the Mets, Blue Jays and Cubs are discussing a three-way deal that would send Luis Castillo to  the Cubs who initially spoke to the Mets about wife swapping Bradley for Castillo.

Then the Mets, who are fucking desperate, decided to try to fucking scam the Blue Jays, because Minaya knew they had a new rookie GM, and tried to rope in the Jays and Overbay, for Milton Bradley.

According to major-league sources, Rosenthal writes, “The teams indeed have discussed the framework of such a deal,” however, it is a ‘longshot.’

Well, no shit Sherlock, we are talking about Milton “Fucking Loose Cannon” Bradley.  This motherfucker is a complete fucking fool.

The 32–year-old Overbay hit .265 with a .372 OBP, 16 HR and 35 doubles in 132 games for the Blue Jays in 2009.

No wonder the Mets fucking want him, he sucks as much as Murphy, and costs 10x more.  Good fucking idea Minaya, you fucking fool.

Overbay will earn $7 million in 2010, after which he can be a free agent.

Castillo is due $6 million each of the next two seasons.

And by the way,  are we the most retarded team in the world?  Because, wasn’t Castillo like 8th in the NL in hitting?  This fucking guy was not part of the problem last year.  We have much fucking bigger issues.

In September, Jon Heyman of SI.com said the Mets might try to trade Castillo this winter, ‘and take a look at Orlando Hudson.’

The New York Mets announced today the signing of their future second baseman, the legendary Chewbacca.  The Mets announced the deal earlier today, which sent a bag of baseballs and 3 hot dogs to the Milwaukee Brewers for Chewbacca.

Omar Minaya said, “Even though he has zero baseball experience, he does this loud yelp thing, which will help players in the field identify when something is happening.”

This will be a big upgrade from Luis Castillo, who despite being able to hit well, sucks in the field.

Things got off to a rocky start already, when Chewbacca went ballistic and mauled several reporters, when they tried to ask him some questions.  One reporter is in serious condition and the other one is listed as stable.

Well, any upgrade can help at this point.  May the fucking force be with us.

The New York Mets officially announced the completion of the trade that brought 1B Chris Carter and 1B Eddie Lora from the Red Sox in exchange for LHP Billy Wagner.

The 26–year-old Carter hit .294 with 25 doubles, 16 HR and 61 RBI in 116 games with Triple-A Pawtucket this season.

Meanwhile, Lora, 53, hit .122 with  a .187 OBP, three triples and three HR in 3047 games spanning a 34 year minor league career with the Gulf Coast Red Sox.

I am reporting that Michael Baron from MetsBlog.com is reporting that, Joe McDonald of the Providence Journal is reporting that the Mets have completed the trade that sent Billy Wagner to the Red Sox.  So remember, if anyone asks you where you heard the news, and what you were doing on this fateful day in Mets history, tell them me!  Now, without further a due, here it is…

The Mets will receive 20 year old minor-league first baseman Eddie Lora, who hit .222 in the Gulf Coast League this season.

I will let you soak that in for a second.

I know.

For Billy Wagner.

That’s right.

Smooth fuckin move Omar.  What a fuckin deal maker you are!

In the trade for Billy Wagner, the Mets are getting two minor league players.  One of those players is 1B/OF/DH Chris Carter.

Awesome. Not.  We traded one of the best closers in baseball history for this fuckin guy and one so shitty that they do not even mention him by name.  The Boston Herald had this to say…“According to the source, the other player dealt away to the Mets is a prospect “not of significance.”

Carter, 26, has seen 26 plate appearances with the Red Sox over the last two years.  He is practically a veteran.  He picked up six hits, all in 2008, and four RBI, with two walks and nine strikeouts.

This season with Triple-A Pawtucket, Carter is hitting .279 AVG / .340 OBP / .439 SLG with 14 HR and 54 RBI.  He has played first base, both corner outfield positions and DH’d this season, with the majority of his playing time coming in RF.

Sweet fuckin deal, right?